Cookin' With Vulk, Recipe I: Ragecakes

Step 1. Mix eggs, flour, white sugar, eye of Amos, butter, vanilla extract, baking powder, yak's blood, and milk.

Step 2. Once evenly mixed, put Sol in there. On top of him, pour 1 cup of semen from the Great Mountain Boar.

Step 3. Put in the oven {Note: when putting in the oven, make sure it balances on one corner, and on Sol's crotch}.

Step 4. Offer Amos as a sacrifice so as to summon Anubis.

Step 5. Anubis is temporarily your summon-servant. Command him to open the bloodgates and unleash the River Styx.

Step 6. Ride the River to the Gates of Hell. If Cerberus gives you any trouble, bitchslap that mofo. If he's not buyin' it, which he's not ('cuz Cerberus is one bad mothafucka), bite off one of Sol's fingers and use it to play fetch with Cerby. He's a dog, they fuckin' love that shit. While he's distracted, break on through to 'the other side'.

Step 7. Now in Hell, set the cake down in a spring of fire to bake. Stir in the final ingredients: tiger fur and cinnamon. Tell Anubis that if he doesn't protect the cake from the souls of the damned, you'll tell everyone that he's been sleeping with Quetzalcoatl's wife.

Step 8. Get distracted by a blooderfly and chase it back to earth, forgetting about the cake for the rest of ever.

Step 9. Enjoy a stack of tasty Paincakes (see next recipe)!