Cookin' With Vulk, Recipe II: Paincakes

Step 1. Punch through Amos' chest cavity, reach down, and grab his yoopendix. This is where his soul resides.

Step 2. Using your bare hands, compress the yoopendix into a solid sphere.

Step 3. Have a two-and-a-half-week pregnant, orange-painted, one-and-a-half horned goat step on the yoopendix, shattering it.

Step 4. Mix all the parts with the semen of the Great Mountain Boar, making a paste. Freeze the paste.

Step 5. As the paste thaws, wrap it in an axolotl-skin bag. Shake the bag and poke a hole in it. Squeeze the soul into a mortar. Grind it and mix it with freshly-tapped Ichor. Add powdered milk.

Step 6. Find an underground rock formation that's shaped like a pan. Make Sol-Soap out of Sol's body fat and dermal layer. Use it to grease the rock formation. Pour the Paincake batter into the formation.

Step 7. Command Anubis to open a spacial-temporal wormhole that leads to the Big Crunch (a theoretical end of the universe equal and opposite to the Big Bang). If your universe does not end with a Big Crunch, migrate to one that does.

Step 8. Set the Big Crunch to 'simmer'. Put the rock formation on top of the wormhole. Let it sit for the shortest amount of time ever, because seriously, it's the fuckin' Big Crunch.

Step 9. When the shrieks of Amos' tormented soul are audible, and/or the paincakes are a golden-blue, enjoy! When you're done, don't forget to plant your left bottom canine tooth in Amos' spleen. The spleen juice will turn the tooth into a yoopendix seed, so that a new yoopendix will grow.

Cookin' Note!: Punch Sol in the face daily! This keeps him tender for future usage!

'''Feel like having something fancy to eat? How 'bout a plate of Cordon Buck (see next recipe)!'''